Why I Love a Conservative (Even Though I'm a Liberal)

He's extraordinarily handsome, which is the first thing I noticed about him when I walked into a Saturday morning mythology course at my university.  But that's not terribly relevant.  The next thing I noticed, as class got underway, was that he is exceptionally articulate, sensitive, observant and intelligent.  Now I went to a state school, so in these elective courses it was unusual to meet up with another intense, passionate and engaged individual of any stripe.  As we got to know each other over the semester and during the holiday break, I saw that he was open-minded, generous, thoughtful and tolerant.  I discovered that he was a philosophy major, a musician, a soccer player, and a U.S. green card holder but a European citizen, which in my mind, added to his cachet.  I was a good little liberal at the time, who knew that conservatives were scumbag, racist, greedy, ignorant, jingoistic, religious fanatics.  So you can imagine my shock when one day, after having many lovely discussions over the previous months, talk turned to politics, and I discovered that this gorgeous hunk of Renaissance manhood, this sweet, sensitive, kind-hearted human being was, dunh, dunh, dunh...a conservative.

My new friend was bemused by my reaction.  He told me that people often got the impression that he was liberal in his political ideas, and we speculated as to why.  He certainly defied some of the gross stereotypes, but he was also a good and compassionate listener, so the speaker could find herself believing she saw agreement, where she was merely observing understanding (which of course, conservatives don't have either).  Meanwhile, I was reeling.  I was really starting to fall for this guy in a big way, but a conservative?  How could I possibly?  I mean, how could I introduce a guy like this to my father?  to my friends?

I think it was around this time that we had some discussions about tolerance, inclusiveness and open-mindedness and what these concepts really mean.  You know, that you actually listen to what someone is saying before you jump to conclusions about their ideas, that you judge someone by the content of their character rather than the newspaper they read, that you accept superficial differences as a normal part of the human condition, and perhaps most radically of all, that two well-educated and thoughtful human beings can research and discuss a controversial concept and reach different conclusions.

Well, being half in love, and always open to a well-reasoned argument, I came to see his points.  Conservatives are people too.  Once in a while (not often mind you) they might even be correct! I didn't start listening to Rush Limbaugh, but I made room in my mind for some truly new ideas.  I allowed myself to fall deeply in love with and eventually marry this wonderful man with his nearly imperceptible but tragic flaw.  I consoled myself with the fact that, as a permanent resident, he's not allowed to vote.

After a couple of years of marriage, we had a baby (how quaint, no?).  The love-of-my-life arranged things at his company so he could work from home, to have more time with his family (he saved himself from three hours on the road each weekday).  After a couple of years, we concluded that staying in that part of the country was no longer necessary for his career, and we were free to return to my home state, where most of my relatives still live.  This sweetheart willingly gave up close contact with his family and friends, so I could be closer to mine.  There was one other problem, my home state is much more liberal.  
 
I have noticed, since we have moved this more liberal land, that my husband is frequently the target of just the sort of ignorant bigotry I displayed so many years ago.  This troubles me, because I don't like to see my dear one attacked, but also because the attackers think of themselves as being oh so open-minded and inclusive.  If they limited themselves to the issues at hand and savaged his well-thought-out, but ultimately incorrect, conclusions, I would be all for it. But they often resort to nasty name-calling, ridiculous presumptions, or conviction and sentence without trial.  In short, they use the very tactics that they claim to revile.

Why do they do it?  Of course, it's not just Liberals who are guilty of this kind of thing.  Our country is very polarized, and we are encouraged to assimilate into one of only two legitimate camps.  My belief is that we are not accustomed to actually thinking about problems, and that we align ourselves with one party or another, based on ideas we already have.  Once we've made our choice, it's easy to swallow the whole line without taking the time to really analyze many of the bigger questions.  After that, it's a short step to demonizing those rotten people in the "other" party.  In my experience, the most ideological in either camp are those most prone to bigotry.  Personally I just have a harder time taking the overzealous nastiness of people who are preaching tolerance, a value that I happen to truly embrace, thanks at least in part, to the lessons I learned from loving a member of the opposition.  I wish other ideologues would take notice and do the same.